Bad Joke Thursday: The Classics.

"RMudkips" (rmudkips) 11/14/2013 at 18:52 • Filed to: bad joke thursday

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After WWII, a soldier finally returns along with his beautiful girlfriend, whom he had rescued from the Nazis. They decide to settle in a little English town.

Then, about two years later, they got married and decided to finally have a child. They managed, and finally the girl gave birth to a boy during the Baby Boom.

When the boy was 4, the family got a little Welsh Corgi. Although he sadly died while the boy was young, the boy grew accustomed to dogs.

One day, he decided to go to the local festival and checked out the lovely dog show. He watched a couple of Welsh Corgis jumping through hoops, some St. Bernard's serving alcohol, and some gramophone playing pugs. However, of these multiple talented dogs, one that caught his eye was that of a strange grey poodle.

Initially, he thought it was a giant collection of dog fur to clean away, but as he got close, there were two sparkling dark eyes within the infinite curls of fur. It was the shaggiest dog he'd ever seen.

It was so shaggy that it couldn't be leashed, so the owner decided to stay at the festival and look over the dog. "Scuse me, how did you get such a hairy dog?", the curious boy asked. The owner replied; "Them's a real shag, y'see lad? Found the fog in the Isles, sir". At this point, the stench of alcohol scared him away, but he now had the dream to one day beat the record, and groom the shaggiest dog possible.

After owning about three or four pets, the boy, now a doctor, decided to visit his parents in the little English village. He came upon a festival like the one before, and decided to visit the dog tent. Among the dogs, there was no sight of the drunk man with the shaggy dog.

The doctor asked an organizer; "What happened to the shaggy dog man? He was young when I saw 'em". The organizer replied; "I heard he died from choking on dog fur. The man was eating cereal; when he realized the dog had been shedding into his bowls, it built up and it was too late". Frustrated, the doctor left the festival. It would be now or never, that he decided to groom the shaggiest dog in the world.

Fast forward 20 years, and the doctor, now retired, had decided to live in the Little British Village where he grew up. He had finally accomplished his dream, and was proud whenever he displayed the masterpiece of a shaggy dog at the festival. He would attend, look over the dog, and made sure people wouldn't trip over shaggy dog fur. He was a happy retired man.

Unfortunately, one day after the festival, the man had found his dog missing. He left it outside on a leash to prevent it from shedding in his bowls, but to no avail, the dog escaped. He was surprised it could walk at all, since the dog would trip over its fur every time it attempted to walk. So he went over and decided to hang some posters around the village.

There was a young boy, around the age of 8, named Link. Link, as the name implied, enjoyed adventure, and would occasionally help out his fellow village people. He came around a utility pole, with an odd poster. There was a picture of a patch of shaggy fur, as the boy assumed it was unusual. However, he decided to read the poster. "LOST: Shaggy Dog", the poster exclaimed. There was also an address and a number. With those in mind, he decided to go on an adventure.

Link first decided to visit the north part of the village. After going around various dog parks, coffeeshops and streets, he couldn't find the dog. Untethered, he asked a fellow dog enthusiast where he could find most dogs. "Check the East, and bring some bait", the enthusiast replied.

So Link decided to travel east, but to no avail, he could not find any shaggy trails of shaggy dog fur. After witnessing some crazy chemist in an RV, he decided to run for the south.

It was the late afternoon when Link finished looking around the south. He was about to give up, but then a little old lady on the bench called Link over. The lady asked, "What's wrong, darling?". Link replied, agitated, "I'm supposed to find this dog. Would you suppose you know where I could find it?". He gave the lady the poster.

The lady paused a little, but then enthusiastically told Link, "Oh yes! If you check the west parts of the village, you can look for patches of fur like in your poster picture! I've seen this before back there! Good luck young boy!" Link gave the lady an excited thank-you and went off to the west. "It's odd that I didn't check the west first". Link noted. "Otherwise this would have been a much shorter journey than it is right now".

After some well-deserved milk and cookies, Link decided to look around the parks of the west. He got to a few parks, and finally went to one near the central part of the village. He found an odd curl of shaggy dog fur in the corner of the park. At first, he assumed it was a bunch of weirdly-collected dog fur neatly arranged, but as he got close, he found two terrified beady eyes gazing through the galaxy of shaggy fur.

Despite his best efforts to get it to walk, he managed to carry it over to the address. He went up the steps of the quaint house, and knocked on the red door with an enthusiastic touch. He grinned as big a grin he could, however the dog was way too heavy and unwieldy, due to the shaggy dog fur that tumbled and added weight. "I could finally do something right for the community!"

An old man opened the door, and looked into Link's eye. Link cheerfully introduced himself, and then asked if it was the doctor who had the world's shaggiest dog missing. The man nodded, and then asked if Link had it. Link stumbled on a bit of fut, but managed, and brought up the dog. "Sir, is this your shaggy dog?"

The man replied , "not that shaggy".

Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh > RMudkips 11/14/2013 at 19:30

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That reminds me of the old story about the bloke who hunted pink elephants.

Dunnik > RMudkips 11/14/2013 at 19:34

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Most shaggy dog stories are not, in fact, about shaggy dogs, heh.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > RMudkips 11/14/2013 at 19:59

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My dad told me a story about when he was in the army the drill sergeant would show them a tree at the other end of the camp and he'd point to a leaf and tell them to fetch it. When they'd return with the leaf the seargent would tell them "no I was pointing to the leaf next to it".

RMudkips > Dunnik 11/14/2013 at 21:36

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Well, this one's the first well known one, and it is about a shaggy dog.

RMudkips > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. 11/14/2013 at 21:37

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I'd love to see how long this story was.

RMudkips > Laird Andrew Neby Bradleigh 11/14/2013 at 21:44

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Or the one about the family and the audition studio.